RETIREMENT OF "WIGGLES" SINGER ELICITS ANGER, DENIAL

Two Manhattan boys, ages 5 and 8, have expressed surprisingly negative reactions to the recent retirement of the lead singer of kids musical act "The Wiggles." "Who cares?!" screamed the 5-year-old, shooing his father from blocking a TV screen. "The robot drone just morphed into an alien cyborg!" The 8-year-old expressed similar sentiments. "Whatever. Did you know that Nintendo DS only uses one screen when playing Game Boy Advance games?" Child psychologists theorize that the anger and denial are expressions of grief. "They really love the Wiggles," agrees their mother. "At least they did three years ago. I just hope they can survive this emotional trauma." Grief counselors were brought in, but were pelted with superhero figures and game cartridges and forced to retreat.